Life Is Fleeting

When I started writing this blog years ago it really was meant for my kids; my health was poor and I wanted them to hear my story from my point of view in case I wasn't here to tell them. Time has elapsed and I'm healthy a lot more often than I am sick so I don't often think about the line I rode between life and death more often than someone should. I was very sick, very often and I honestly couldn't tell you why I survived such hard times when others didn't. I guess all I can come up with is that life is cruel, life is unfair, and sometimes life is just downright awful.

I know you are wondering what the hell the point of this rambling is but I promise that I'm getting there. The thing is, today wasn't the best day for me and I ended up in the ER and while I'm fine now, I saw and heard some horrible things. I heard people die, more than one. People that were kids, well kids to me, they were probably in their 20s. And while I sat in my room crying and praying I truly was taken back to when I coded. While I have no memory of it, it still haunts my psychologically. It is an ugly way to die and life can slip away in a second. I used to think that it was unique that I had skated the line between life and death but today I realized that we all sit on that line. Anyone of us can be in a position where we are on that line; anyone of us can slip away in a second.

I guess I was reminded today to tell my kids I love them even when I don't like them. I was reminded to kiss Dan goodnight even when it means I need to stop what I'm doing. I was reminded to be a better friend. I was reminded to be more kind to strangers. I was reminded that life is short so live every moment to the fullest. Don't put off until later because later may not be in your cards.

I was in the room immediately next to one of the codes and that will haunt me for awhile to come. I walked past a tearful mother who was probably praying to whomever she believes in that her child be okay knowing that that wasn't very likely. This image may haunt me forever. The empathy in my heart makes me cry now, even hours later.

Life is fleeting and unpredictable so wake up tomorrow and be the best you possible. Wake up tomorrow and choose joy over sadness. Wake up tomorrow and thank whichever god you believe in and remember life is a gift. A gift that can be gone before you know it.

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