Drunk Bridesmaid
Dan has been telling me for a month that I need to write a funny post and not be such a bummer. I have had a hard time finding the funny in me because I have been lost lately so I figured that I would share the full unabridged version of my sister's wedding from my point of view.
My sister had a beautiful wedding at a beautiful church outside of San Diego. Another bridesmaid and I decided fairly early on that we were going to play a game of drunk bridesmaid and there was no way in helll that I was going to lose. Fast forward to the reception, which was at a winery and I started drinking the minute I got there. Dan repeatly told me to slow down but I was adament that I was going to win, I was on vacation. And drink I did and did. I was pretty tipsy before dinner was served where I spilled almost a whole glass of wine on myself. I know most people would be embarrassed but not me, I was just pissed to have wasted the wine. LOL
I ate some and it was time for my toast and I am sure it was a doozy. I had written and it was lovely on paper but I am sure when my drunk, crying ass delivered it, it was a mess. The jist of the toast for those of you who were there and still have no idea what I said was this......marriage is full of ups and downs but the key to a successful marriage isn't luck or timing but remembering. Remember your first kiss, remember the day you met, remember the love you felt the day you got engaged and married and everything else will fall into place. On a worst day, remember why you chose the other person in the first place and the bad day becomes a little better. Ultimately, remember the love.
Ok, so the toast is over and back to drinking I go. Dancing begins and by thins time, I know I am drunk but don't much care because I am DRUNK. Haha. Apparently, I was twerking which I had no idea what this actually meant until I saw Miley at the VMAs. Now, I am sure I didn't look like Miley because I am 100 lbs heavier, I was drunk and I generally lack coordination. At some point I fell down and my dress ripped a little. But being the GENIUS that I am, I apparently kept twirking and when I went down once, the whole back of my dress ripped and my butt was showing to the whold place. A nice groomsman named Jay came and covered my butt with a cloth napkin until the bridesmaids could wrap a pasmina around me. Oh, and right before all this, it was last call and I got cut off by the bartender. I have never in my 40 years been cut off but I chose to make such a spectical at a family wedding.....classy. I will not go into details but I became ill and not only in the bathroom (but at least I made it to a bush).
Dan and the boys had the pleasure of walking me out to the car and apparently, I would not stand upright. I was leaning backwards almost like I was going to do a backbend. Now our hotel had a very steep driveway that we had to walk to get to the cement stairs to our room. Dan and the boys had no idea how they were going to get me up the stairs because I wouldn't walk. We finally made it to the stairs and I literally ran up them.......ran. They were so afraid that I would fall over the railing. I didn't though, I passed out in the middle of the bed instead. It was about 9 pm. They rolled me onto the floor covered me with a light blanket and I slept peacefully until 5 am and was ready to go. I packed the car, ate breakfast, took a shower all before 7 am. LOL
As embarrassed by this whole thing that I was and maybe should still be, I got my blood clots shortly thereafter and was told I would never be allowed to drink again so I guess there was a reason. God always has a plan. Now maybe it seems crazy that His plan was for me to get shitfaced at my sister's wedding but He knew that those days would very soon be behind me. He knew that my life was changing soon and that I needed to embrace my life so wholeheartly that He gave me a great memory. The great thing about embarrassing stories are that they are usually funny at some point. I am at the the point where this is funny. I can laugh at myself because this will always be a great story to tell. Besides, I won drunk bridesmaid and that in and of itself is priceless. I assume my trophy is in the mail.
My sister had a beautiful wedding at a beautiful church outside of San Diego. Another bridesmaid and I decided fairly early on that we were going to play a game of drunk bridesmaid and there was no way in helll that I was going to lose. Fast forward to the reception, which was at a winery and I started drinking the minute I got there. Dan repeatly told me to slow down but I was adament that I was going to win, I was on vacation. And drink I did and did. I was pretty tipsy before dinner was served where I spilled almost a whole glass of wine on myself. I know most people would be embarrassed but not me, I was just pissed to have wasted the wine. LOL
I ate some and it was time for my toast and I am sure it was a doozy. I had written and it was lovely on paper but I am sure when my drunk, crying ass delivered it, it was a mess. The jist of the toast for those of you who were there and still have no idea what I said was this......marriage is full of ups and downs but the key to a successful marriage isn't luck or timing but remembering. Remember your first kiss, remember the day you met, remember the love you felt the day you got engaged and married and everything else will fall into place. On a worst day, remember why you chose the other person in the first place and the bad day becomes a little better. Ultimately, remember the love.
Ok, so the toast is over and back to drinking I go. Dancing begins and by thins time, I know I am drunk but don't much care because I am DRUNK. Haha. Apparently, I was twerking which I had no idea what this actually meant until I saw Miley at the VMAs. Now, I am sure I didn't look like Miley because I am 100 lbs heavier, I was drunk and I generally lack coordination. At some point I fell down and my dress ripped a little. But being the GENIUS that I am, I apparently kept twirking and when I went down once, the whole back of my dress ripped and my butt was showing to the whold place. A nice groomsman named Jay came and covered my butt with a cloth napkin until the bridesmaids could wrap a pasmina around me. Oh, and right before all this, it was last call and I got cut off by the bartender. I have never in my 40 years been cut off but I chose to make such a spectical at a family wedding.....classy. I will not go into details but I became ill and not only in the bathroom (but at least I made it to a bush).
Dan and the boys had the pleasure of walking me out to the car and apparently, I would not stand upright. I was leaning backwards almost like I was going to do a backbend. Now our hotel had a very steep driveway that we had to walk to get to the cement stairs to our room. Dan and the boys had no idea how they were going to get me up the stairs because I wouldn't walk. We finally made it to the stairs and I literally ran up them.......ran. They were so afraid that I would fall over the railing. I didn't though, I passed out in the middle of the bed instead. It was about 9 pm. They rolled me onto the floor covered me with a light blanket and I slept peacefully until 5 am and was ready to go. I packed the car, ate breakfast, took a shower all before 7 am. LOL
As embarrassed by this whole thing that I was and maybe should still be, I got my blood clots shortly thereafter and was told I would never be allowed to drink again so I guess there was a reason. God always has a plan. Now maybe it seems crazy that His plan was for me to get shitfaced at my sister's wedding but He knew that those days would very soon be behind me. He knew that my life was changing soon and that I needed to embrace my life so wholeheartly that He gave me a great memory. The great thing about embarrassing stories are that they are usually funny at some point. I am at the the point where this is funny. I can laugh at myself because this will always be a great story to tell. Besides, I won drunk bridesmaid and that in and of itself is priceless. I assume my trophy is in the mail.
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