Stumble And Fall But Don't Fail
It is a few days after Christmas and I have survived. This time of the year is almost always a series of horrible decisions made by me because I simply cannot handle the stress of the holidays. I have in my head these Norman Rockwell ideals that few could obtain, especially me. For all my strength and kindness, I am not, nor will I ever be, the quintessential homemaker. I am not good at the chores, I don't bake, I have little time to cook between school and work. But deep down I want to be that person even though I know that it just never will happen.
This makes me spend the weeks from November to December feeling bad about myself and like I let my family down. This year was a little different, though. I only had 3 major meltdowns (compared to the dozen I usually have.) I think the difference this year is that I have been finding more of my worth of the last few years. I buy nice, thoughtful gifts, which I know is not the reason why we celebrate Christmas but let's face it, kids like the gifts. And I like bringing joy to others. As my positive attitude helped me so much this year. I know that I fell and stumbled, emotionally, throughout the past few weeks but by Christmas Eve I got my shit together and I succeeded.
This Christmas was nice. It was filled with family, love, food, and cheer. We are getting ready to relocate to Florida so this was our last holiday season with all of our family and I am grateful that we were all together. I am grateful for my family, I am grateful for their happiness, and I am grateful that I am loved. I lead a blessed life, yet, sometimes I feel so slighted and that is a really awful place to be. I stumble, I fall but I remember to get back up.
As this year finishes up, I am mostly grateful for the bipolar. Does it make my life more difficult? Yes. Does it make me angry? Yes. Does it make me fail? Yes. But does it also make me a hot mess? Well yes, absolutely. At the end of the day, though it has made me stronger, more kind, empathetic, and forgiving. I think the biggest thing that I have learned this holiday season is how to forgive. I have learned to forgive myself for my shortcoming, and there are many. We all have shortcomings, though, and bipolar taught me that. I stumbled, I fell, I cried, and I screamed but I did not fail. I pulled myself up and got the job done and five years ago I definitely could not have done that. And ten years ago, succeeding was not something that was even on my radar.
As we enter the new year, I pray for everyone peace, happiness, joy, and success in anything that you try to do. We will all stumble, fall, disappoint ourselves and others but how we handle these situations that define us. Let your definition be strength and character. Be kind, thoughtful, and loving to yourself and others. And what I learned most, is don't compare yourself to others and be the best you possible because that is the true definition of success.
This makes me spend the weeks from November to December feeling bad about myself and like I let my family down. This year was a little different, though. I only had 3 major meltdowns (compared to the dozen I usually have.) I think the difference this year is that I have been finding more of my worth of the last few years. I buy nice, thoughtful gifts, which I know is not the reason why we celebrate Christmas but let's face it, kids like the gifts. And I like bringing joy to others. As my positive attitude helped me so much this year. I know that I fell and stumbled, emotionally, throughout the past few weeks but by Christmas Eve I got my shit together and I succeeded.
This Christmas was nice. It was filled with family, love, food, and cheer. We are getting ready to relocate to Florida so this was our last holiday season with all of our family and I am grateful that we were all together. I am grateful for my family, I am grateful for their happiness, and I am grateful that I am loved. I lead a blessed life, yet, sometimes I feel so slighted and that is a really awful place to be. I stumble, I fall but I remember to get back up.
As this year finishes up, I am mostly grateful for the bipolar. Does it make my life more difficult? Yes. Does it make me angry? Yes. Does it make me fail? Yes. But does it also make me a hot mess? Well yes, absolutely. At the end of the day, though it has made me stronger, more kind, empathetic, and forgiving. I think the biggest thing that I have learned this holiday season is how to forgive. I have learned to forgive myself for my shortcoming, and there are many. We all have shortcomings, though, and bipolar taught me that. I stumbled, I fell, I cried, and I screamed but I did not fail. I pulled myself up and got the job done and five years ago I definitely could not have done that. And ten years ago, succeeding was not something that was even on my radar.
As we enter the new year, I pray for everyone peace, happiness, joy, and success in anything that you try to do. We will all stumble, fall, disappoint ourselves and others but how we handle these situations that define us. Let your definition be strength and character. Be kind, thoughtful, and loving to yourself and others. And what I learned most, is don't compare yourself to others and be the best you possible because that is the true definition of success.
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