Bipolar Is Ugly

It has been an awful morning thus far and I have no positive spin. Just a lot of things that are not okay to someone with bipolar. I go "bipolar" on my family all the time but I left the ER sobbing and just telling the doctor that it was just not okay to treat someone the way that they had treated me.

Let me back up. I started falling asleep with chest pain but every time I dozed off I saw something bad happening to me or someone I loved. I won't lie. It made me panic a bit which only made the chest pain worse. I was okay with going because I couldn't keep looking at people hurt as I was falling asleep.

Fast forward to the hospital. The triage nurse told me I talk to fast (not that he couldn't understand me but that he thought it was too fast). Um okay, insult my personality before we take two steps. Then he kept telling me I'm doing great. At things like sitting and walking. Well I feel embarrassed that I'm bipolar but I also proud if who I am. Having someone condescendingly praise me for W-A-L-KI-N-G just reinforced those fears that I will never be good enough. The tears start.

Back to the room and the "we think you're crazy and faking" show continued. Every question I asked was answered with, "Sweetheart, that didn't happen."  Making me think I'm imagining things is always going to end badly.

Then upon leaving,  my paperwork said in my instructions to continue my lovenox  (in what fealt like a jab because I would just randomly stop taking a life saving medicine.) And to come back if I have difficulty breathing. Um assholes, I'm complaining of that now. Seriously...go fuck yourselfs.

I've long said that bipolar can be ugly. Today it is ugly. Talking down to me because I have bipolar is always ugly.

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