The Rainbow...

Do you know one thing that I've found through my bipolar? That love shouldn't be conditional.  Every single person that you encounter will have a challenge that they're facing and if they are someone that you hope to love you should do it wholeheartedly and without reservation. Loving someone is hard but yet it is by far, the best thing we'll ever do.

It is my 43rd birthday and to say my life has been rough would be the understatement of the year. You see, I come from multiple broken homes. I generally don't share that part of my story because it is in my nature to protect everyone and not cause shame to them. But in doing that, I only cause myself shame. I was unplanned and probably unwanted. My first father walked away before I was born. My mom then subsequently married the man who would eventually adopt me. I don't know that he really wanted me, either. I guess I'm somewhat of a disappointment. I may never be good enough, together enough, or perfect enough for those who chose me. First, by choosing to give me life and then secondly, by choosing to adopt me.

Why talk about this now, at my age, you ask? Well, the fact of the matter is that we all deserve love. Love that is complete and wholehearted. My mother recently told me that others told her that she shouldn't trust me. Like I'm a serial killer or something; a seriel killer coming for her next. When, in reality I'm just a broken little girl who has never known unconditionally love.

To all of you who say that it's unfair to share hurtful things about others, I will remind you that there is more to life than your opinions or judgements. There is the me that finds self-worth from remembering that I am a good and kind person. And I'm also a mother who doesn't make my kids jump through hoops to prove their worth. I know their worth as it comes from just being a human. Every person has worth whether others see it or not.

So my gift to myself today is to continue to find my own worth and strength. Some of us were not given the gift of unconditionally love. And you know what? That's okay. There is more to my worth than what others decide it to be.

I often remind my children that the only thing that we can control in this life is how we treat others. If you lead with kindness and empathy, you'll be a success. Life is so much bigger than the dollars and cents of it. While we'd all like more money we are most likely going to be defined by our wealth we have in the bank. We are more apt to be described by the wealth in our character and strength, and I'm okay with that.

It is not the storm that defines us but rather our enjoyment of the rainbow that appears when we fight through. We are all only as great as our last victory...whether others see it all.