The Rubble Below Rock Bottom

I thought by my age I'd be done learning things the hard way. I thought by now I'd be able to navigate life with finesse and ease, all while keeping a good head on my shoulders. The reality is that I may never figure anything out. I may just keep trying, learning, and evolving. I may always be working on being a better version of myself.

There are still so many days that I wish I could do better, I could be better, and most importantly, I could know better. I wish there more days in which my flaws weren't front and center in every aspect of my life. I'm finally coming to the realization that some of my bad decisions may always define me. While that's a hard pill to swallow, I've overcome so much worse than a little judgment from strangers. People will ALWAYS have an opinion on what I do, how I do it, and why I do it. By opening up my life and sharing my story, I have to take a lot of the responsibility for letting others judge me.

So why do I keep sharing more of who I am and opening myself up to judgement and criticism? The answer is easy...I may save one person. The world is full of damaged people, full of hate, who wish to do nothing but try to destroy others. I refuse to be any part of that. The world just lost a young boy who hanged himself because of relentless bullying. He asked for help but it doesn't appear to have been enough help, soon enough. My stories are for him and anyone else that feels lost. My stories are to remind us that we have damage, we all have heartache, we all have sorrow, and we all have regret. But we also have the ability to regain our joy and strength. And we aren't alone.

There needs to be more honesty about how hard life can be for all of us. For those of you who feel lost and alone, please know that someone somewhere understands. I feel broken, defeated, and lost right now but I also know that this is temporary. Even as I sit here below the rubble of what I thought was rock bottom, I know that there is sunshine somewhere. And that sunshine is out there for me if I only do the work to find it.

As I go through these hard times I take inventory of all the good I have: I'm loved, I have friends, I have a great family, I have food, and I have a place to lay my head each night. I'm blessed even in the darkness and so are you. Sometimes the worst parts of our life define our character. I am grateful for my character and I'm thankful to the hard times for building my strength.

As we go through this life, I challenge you to reach out with kindness and be a helping hand to those who feel alone and lost. Do your best to not let more people feel alone. The young man wasn't alone but he definitely felt alone. Be the change you want to see in the world and do the right thing. If you are in the darkness and someone says they are worried about you, as a friend recently said to me, accept the help. It's so hard to ask for help, it's so hard to admit you are failing, it is so hard to admit you wish things were better but grabbing the outstretched hand of someone who cares is an easy decision.

We are capable of giving love and kindness to others just as we are capable of recieving it. Take the time to be better, do better, and to know better. And know that your mistakes are just a small part of who you are. Don't throw stones because everyone lives in a glass house of some sort. We are all flawed in our own way and in my flaws is where I see my beauty.