Peace Out 2016

I started writing this blog almost four years ago for one simple reason...to document things as they happened in my life. Some of it was for me but a lot of it was for my kids. Truth be told, I know my children rarely read what I write and when they do but it is of little importance to them. At the time I started writing my health had begun deteriorating and I wanted my thoughts down on paper in case I wasn't here to share my thoughts and feelings with my kids. I don't know that I thought many people would read what I had to say or care much about any of it. It's interesting what a difference a few years would make as my health seemed to stabilize and I realized that writing about the truth behind bipolar was something that others might gain insight from. In those four years, I found myself, my passions, and decided who I wanted to be when I grow up.

I have come to realize that in my flaws, I have something to offer the world. My purpose has been exposed and led me on a journey that I never thought I would find myself on. For many years, bipolar ripped my identity away from me and left me a sick, damaged mess. Time, perseverance, and some love from those who love me the most has helped me find my true identity, as an advocate. In the years since I started writing, I went back to school and I'm studying to hopefully be a victim's advocate one day. It led me, also, to my true passion which is speaking up for every voice that has mental illness as part of their story especially when they feel their voice is too quiet to be heard. Patience, medicine, hard work, and sheer determination has made me strong enough to fight the good fight for myself and others.

I've often wondered through the years why I've had such serious illnesses and so many brushes with death and come out seemingly unscathed. I think only God has the answer but I don't think He'll mind if I speculate. Why am I able to look at bipolar and not let it define me anymore? I  think He needs me to educate as many people as will listen about mental illness. I have never been one to put myself completely out there because mental illness caused so much shame that I kept a lot of me hidden. I choose not to hit the true me anymore. I've learned from writing my blog that others feel less scared because they find comfort in hearing that they aren't going through everything alone. I've been there and I'm not ashamed to talk about it. Who knew that I could help others by sharing the crazy that I've done? I have even found family members who are realizing that the "awful" things that their bipolar loved one had done are just the illness and that their family member isn't an awful person. I've had people think I was an awful person... hell, I've thought I'm an awful person. Time has shown me that I'm not an awful person but a person with an awful illness.

As I say peace out 2016, I share these final thoughts for the night: life is what happens when you're busy making plans and sometimes your purpose may not seem clear until you're looking at it in hindsight. I NEVER thought I'd be able to advocate for myself, let alone others. I thought who I was was "crazy, bipolar Lisa" and while that's part of me it's not all of me. I'd rather look at myself as the girl who fought hard to be more than that and who suceeds as changing the face of bipolar one day at a time.