I woke up alive!!!
One month down, eleven to go. Whew....The Year of the Pokrzywas is off to a rough start. But that is ok, we have eleven months to turn this bitch around and by George, we are going to do it.
Today is not about complaining, it is a great day so far. I woke up alive (yes, as opposed to waking up dead, which I know is not a real thing), I had lunch with my friend Adrianne and Dan is making strides in his new career journey. "New career journey"??? LOL, I just think it sounds better than job hunt. More classy, more refined and I am nothing if not classy and refined. ;)
Since yesterday's entry, I had a lot of conversations with Christeen about my writing and it being therapeutic for me. She thinks I should write a book because books about crazies from the crazy person's point of view are apparently very in vogue right now. Who knew? When I was diagnosed 11 years ago (yesterday or today in fact) I never thought that this horrific disease would be anything but a big pain in the ass. For the most part, it is a big pain in the ass but in some weird ways, it is a blessing. I much more empathetic than I otherwise would have been. Twelve years ago, I judged everyone and every single solitary thing they did. I felt superior and wasn't afraid to tell people. Now, I am of course still superior (LOL) but if I am around people who want to be lesser, I let it go. Progress right?!?!?!
As far as the actual bipolar itself, I don't know if it has made my life harder. Probably not because everyone has something; their own cross to bear. Mine is just out there because I don't hide my bipolar. It is not shameful, it is not a choice, it is a disease and I treat it as such. For me, bipolar requires scheduling. Let me explain, I don't do change well, I like to know what I have to do and when. Does that mean I can't have an impromptu lunch or something like that? No, but it does mean that I can't fly by the seat of my pants either. Like a diabetic controls their disease by controlling the food they put in their mouth, I control the bipolar by controlling everything. I sleep on schedule even when my body says, "I would rather not sleep", I rest then instead of getting up and cleaning the whole house. I get up during the daytime hours, every day. I have found that if I follow strict rules with myself, I am controlling the bipolar and it is not controlling me.
As I said, I don't find bipolar to be shameful but it can be funny and I enjoy the jokes as much as the next person. Is that weird? I don't think so, I am just laughing at myself. The jokes about bipolar people changing their mind a lot are damn true. Have you met me? I am so indecisive. So much so, that it is laughable. So I guess, it doesn't hurt me feelings to hear people laugh at things that I know I do DAILY. What I don't find funny is all the talk about locking up all the mentally ill people to protect society. I am not a criminal and if I do someday commit a crime it will be because I made a bad choice not because I am bipolar, I know right from wrong. It is so annoying to be perceived as otherwise by complete strangers. It is ok, though, when I get bummed about that from a stranger, I remind myself that I am a superior person and I am better than them. It works every time. LOL
January is over and I say good riddance. February will be better, it is Girl Scout Cookie time and I love that. While I am keeping track, I lost 13 lbs in the month of January. Only, I don't know, 80 lbs to go. Shit, guess I better not eat the cookies. :)
Today is not about complaining, it is a great day so far. I woke up alive (yes, as opposed to waking up dead, which I know is not a real thing), I had lunch with my friend Adrianne and Dan is making strides in his new career journey. "New career journey"??? LOL, I just think it sounds better than job hunt. More classy, more refined and I am nothing if not classy and refined. ;)
Since yesterday's entry, I had a lot of conversations with Christeen about my writing and it being therapeutic for me. She thinks I should write a book because books about crazies from the crazy person's point of view are apparently very in vogue right now. Who knew? When I was diagnosed 11 years ago (yesterday or today in fact) I never thought that this horrific disease would be anything but a big pain in the ass. For the most part, it is a big pain in the ass but in some weird ways, it is a blessing. I much more empathetic than I otherwise would have been. Twelve years ago, I judged everyone and every single solitary thing they did. I felt superior and wasn't afraid to tell people. Now, I am of course still superior (LOL) but if I am around people who want to be lesser, I let it go. Progress right?!?!?!
As far as the actual bipolar itself, I don't know if it has made my life harder. Probably not because everyone has something; their own cross to bear. Mine is just out there because I don't hide my bipolar. It is not shameful, it is not a choice, it is a disease and I treat it as such. For me, bipolar requires scheduling. Let me explain, I don't do change well, I like to know what I have to do and when. Does that mean I can't have an impromptu lunch or something like that? No, but it does mean that I can't fly by the seat of my pants either. Like a diabetic controls their disease by controlling the food they put in their mouth, I control the bipolar by controlling everything. I sleep on schedule even when my body says, "I would rather not sleep", I rest then instead of getting up and cleaning the whole house. I get up during the daytime hours, every day. I have found that if I follow strict rules with myself, I am controlling the bipolar and it is not controlling me.
As I said, I don't find bipolar to be shameful but it can be funny and I enjoy the jokes as much as the next person. Is that weird? I don't think so, I am just laughing at myself. The jokes about bipolar people changing their mind a lot are damn true. Have you met me? I am so indecisive. So much so, that it is laughable. So I guess, it doesn't hurt me feelings to hear people laugh at things that I know I do DAILY. What I don't find funny is all the talk about locking up all the mentally ill people to protect society. I am not a criminal and if I do someday commit a crime it will be because I made a bad choice not because I am bipolar, I know right from wrong. It is so annoying to be perceived as otherwise by complete strangers. It is ok, though, when I get bummed about that from a stranger, I remind myself that I am a superior person and I am better than them. It works every time. LOL
January is over and I say good riddance. February will be better, it is Girl Scout Cookie time and I love that. While I am keeping track, I lost 13 lbs in the month of January. Only, I don't know, 80 lbs to go. Shit, guess I better not eat the cookies. :)
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