The Graduate

Today my son graduates.  As he puts it, "High school graduation isn't a big deal, it just proves you are not a screw up.'  The reality is that to me, it is a big deal.  I look back at the long and winding road that has brought us here and I am astonished that it has turned out this well.  For all the gifts that bipolar has given me: loving, caring, compassionate and understanding, I have failed miserably in other ways.  I was sick A LOT.  I put my husband in the position to be a single dad at the drop of a hat more than I care to remember.  But, you know what?  My son is truly amazing.  Somedays I think that I had a huge hand in that and somedays, I think it is in spite of me.  Today, I feel that I had a huge hand in shaping the man that he has become.

When I wasn't sick, I was truly involved and engaged in his upbringing.  I gave him the gift of independence and patience by not always putting him first.  If I was busy, he waited until I was available.  I never made him think that the sun set and rose just for him and he learned a great deal of respect for others because of that.  When he was little, I read to him daily.  I took time to just sit and be there.  I often let the housework take a backseat so I could cherish the little moments in life.  So, although, I didn't drop everything whenever he needed something, I allowed myself a good balance of being available.  He always knew that my kids were and always will be the most important thing in my universe.  I was his parent and not his friend.  He is respectful and knows boundaries because of this.  He knows how to follow rules because I made rules for him.  Even with the rules and boundaries, we have a great friendship and mutual respect.  Dan and I raised him to be someone that is worthy of respect because he shows others respect.  He always learned empathy towards others by caring for me on some bad days.  Some of these things are gifts of bipolar. 

As much as I have written about how I faired as a parent despite having a chronic illness, today really isn't about me, it is about my son.  He truly is a joy.   he truly is brilliant.  I know that he has so much to offer the world and I look forward to watching the next chapter unfold.  I can't wait to see how he succeeds when he is on his own in a few months.  I hope and pray that I have done enough to prepare him for an independent, adult life.  I am so proud that he is following his dreams to Manhattan because he has wanted to live there for as long as I can remember.  He is living his dreams and I couldn't be more proud.  I feel lucky to call him my son.  I feel proud to call him my son.  I feel thankful to call him my son. 

As, this chapter of high school closes I can't help but look back on the pictures I have included and wonder where the time has gone.  How did my little boy become a man?  As much as I would love to go back in time to the days of Sesame Street marathons, that is just not how life works. I need to sit back now and watch him live his dreams.  I need to look forward to the time in the not so distant future where he has a family of his own.  Life is surprising because you never really know what's ahead and all you can do it try your best.  I tried my best and with luck, hard work and love, I helped create an amazing man.  An amazing man who graduates today.  I am so looking forward to watching him walk across that stage and being filled with pride.  I love my boy and I couldn't be more proud.