Remembering.........With Love
On this day, several years back, my cousin passed away. I don't generally talk about him much because quite honestly, we weren't that close and I never wanted to interfere with my feelings when others are grieving. I just wanted to be there, support them, and love them. That was and still is my role. But on this anniversary for some reason, I feel truly compelled to share my memories of him. Even with living many miles apart, I have strong vivid memories.
Sean was my older cousin but not by too many years, we are two of 15 grand kids so the age range is huge. As a young girl (maybe preteen) I just remember Sean as someone who would entertain me at boring family functions. He was funny and loving even when all I probably was to him was younger and annoying. He included me, made me feel welcome and loved. I only saw my cousins about once a year because I lived far away. Most of the family lived close together so it was easy to think I would feel like an outsider but Sean and the rest of my cousins never let that happen.
Most of my vivid memories of Sean are us as adults. He and I had a very memorable conversation at my grandparents' 50th anniversary party. As we stood in the kitchen of that basement hall, he asked why I was sad. I had said that the love of my life had broken my heart. What I didn't know then was that this guy was just the love of my life thus far and that my heart would be broken again. Sean did, though. He was older and already married. I didn't have brothers or an exceptionally close relationship with my dad so a man's point of view was different and welcome. Sean told me that I needed to let my heart heal so I could be ready to let love in again. I could easily have become jaded because I had gotten hurt badly. Sean told me that sometimes we get hurt deeply so we can appreciate true love when it comes our way. I took this advice to heart when I met my husband. Thanks Sean!
I also has remember a very vivid night of fun with Sean, as I am sure several family members do, at our grandpa's 80th birthday party. After the party wound down, it truly just began. We, among others, decided that it would be a good idea to play a drinking game. We were a group of adults and I no longer thought this drinking game was such a good idea the next morning, lol. That night I sure had fun, though. I had just given birth to Jamie so it was probably the first time I had had anything to drink in about a year. I got drunk quickly and my memories are few. I don't remember the game or its rules but I do remember the ridicuolous nicknames that we all had for the game. I do remember laughs and lots of them. I do remember smiles and lot of those, too. Sean laughed and smiled and this is how I will always remember him. I will remember him calling me by my ridiculous nickname.
Time has passed and I have healed from my loss some. I am gratefully to be at a place that when I think of Sean, my first thought isn't of immense pain. I am full of memories and they are great ones. I think of him looking me in the eye and offering serious support in my sadness. I think of him laughing and smiling that summer night 16 years ago when we played that dumb game. I think of the look of love on his face when he was with his girls Tammy, Cala and Jess. I think of the great man that he was. I feel so lucky that I am not only did I know him but he was my cousin and my friend. On this, the anniversary of his death, I remember my older cousin, Sean, with love.
Sean was my older cousin but not by too many years, we are two of 15 grand kids so the age range is huge. As a young girl (maybe preteen) I just remember Sean as someone who would entertain me at boring family functions. He was funny and loving even when all I probably was to him was younger and annoying. He included me, made me feel welcome and loved. I only saw my cousins about once a year because I lived far away. Most of the family lived close together so it was easy to think I would feel like an outsider but Sean and the rest of my cousins never let that happen.
Most of my vivid memories of Sean are us as adults. He and I had a very memorable conversation at my grandparents' 50th anniversary party. As we stood in the kitchen of that basement hall, he asked why I was sad. I had said that the love of my life had broken my heart. What I didn't know then was that this guy was just the love of my life thus far and that my heart would be broken again. Sean did, though. He was older and already married. I didn't have brothers or an exceptionally close relationship with my dad so a man's point of view was different and welcome. Sean told me that I needed to let my heart heal so I could be ready to let love in again. I could easily have become jaded because I had gotten hurt badly. Sean told me that sometimes we get hurt deeply so we can appreciate true love when it comes our way. I took this advice to heart when I met my husband. Thanks Sean!
I also has remember a very vivid night of fun with Sean, as I am sure several family members do, at our grandpa's 80th birthday party. After the party wound down, it truly just began. We, among others, decided that it would be a good idea to play a drinking game. We were a group of adults and I no longer thought this drinking game was such a good idea the next morning, lol. That night I sure had fun, though. I had just given birth to Jamie so it was probably the first time I had had anything to drink in about a year. I got drunk quickly and my memories are few. I don't remember the game or its rules but I do remember the ridicuolous nicknames that we all had for the game. I do remember laughs and lots of them. I do remember smiles and lot of those, too. Sean laughed and smiled and this is how I will always remember him. I will remember him calling me by my ridiculous nickname.
Time has passed and I have healed from my loss some. I am gratefully to be at a place that when I think of Sean, my first thought isn't of immense pain. I am full of memories and they are great ones. I think of him looking me in the eye and offering serious support in my sadness. I think of him laughing and smiling that summer night 16 years ago when we played that dumb game. I think of the look of love on his face when he was with his girls Tammy, Cala and Jess. I think of the great man that he was. I feel so lucky that I am not only did I know him but he was my cousin and my friend. On this, the anniversary of his death, I remember my older cousin, Sean, with love.
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