#Winning
I am trying with every ounce of my being to write this light and airy post. One that is funny and makes everyone laugh and remember my old, fun self. Where has this girl gone? The reality is that I am happy. I have a great life because I am loved. At the end of the day, all we really need is for someone or several someones to love us deeply and unconditionally and I have that. I actually have a lot of that. With all that being said, my life is still extraordinarily hard. Some days, it just plain sucks. I am sick and so many people think that I am a hypochondriac. That shouldn't matter but unfortunately, it does. In the past year alone, I had a very near death experience and I was also clinically dead for about 2 1/2 minutes. I often have pain but I still smile at everyone I see. Is it my (mostly) positive attitude that makes people think it is fake? I guess the whys don't matter, it hurts nonetheless.
One thing that has always made me positive in my thinking about the illnesses is knowing that God wouldn't let bad happen to my family because he won't give me more than I can handle. Well, He has given me more than I can handle. My Ella has more illnesses to face and like I have said in the past, she may be very ill. My BFF has said that I seem at my breaking point and I really hope that isn't the case but maybe she is right. She often knows me better than I know myself. She is an expert on all things Lisa. She is brilliant and way too often right. Ugh!!
Ella saw rheumatology and it isn't arthritis. It is something but who knows what? Certainly not the doctors. Her case is complicated and difficult. Hmmm, that sounds all too familiar. She is her mother's baby. I don't want her to inherit this nonsense from me. Like I said, I have always comforted myself with all of this bullshit in the fact that I suffered but not my babies. My baby is in pain, though. Why, why, why? Why does our plate have to be so full of this crap and others have a seemingly easy life? Well in the words of Kimmie, we all have something and everyone's problems feel insurmountable to them. So I guess, in reality, my problems are not any worse than anyone else's. They are just different. So I guess He didn't give me more than I can handle because I am handling it. I am rolling with the punches. I guess I am one strong ass biotch. Yay me!
Well, for light and airy, what do I have? There simply has to be something funny to share. The reality is that most of the funny in my life comes from James and he prefers his business quiet. He can't be my child. LOL I can never really keep anything quiet. I just figured it out......I may not have funny, light and airy today but I am going to the state fair on Tuesday. All of you Wisconsinites know that this will be a wealth of funny. The people watching alone is going to be the best thing all year. I guess I found my happy, again. I may have ALMOST died but I didn't. I have lived on to people watch, love my friends and family and just simply enjoy life. There is a plan for me and until I figure it all out, I need to keep pressing forward. Forward is good, it means you are succeeding and accomplishing things. It means that I am succeeding and the bipolar is not winning. I am winning. Life is a journey and not a destination. I am not at my destination yet so I am going to enjoy this journey warts and all.
One thing that has always made me positive in my thinking about the illnesses is knowing that God wouldn't let bad happen to my family because he won't give me more than I can handle. Well, He has given me more than I can handle. My Ella has more illnesses to face and like I have said in the past, she may be very ill. My BFF has said that I seem at my breaking point and I really hope that isn't the case but maybe she is right. She often knows me better than I know myself. She is an expert on all things Lisa. She is brilliant and way too often right. Ugh!!
Ella saw rheumatology and it isn't arthritis. It is something but who knows what? Certainly not the doctors. Her case is complicated and difficult. Hmmm, that sounds all too familiar. She is her mother's baby. I don't want her to inherit this nonsense from me. Like I said, I have always comforted myself with all of this bullshit in the fact that I suffered but not my babies. My baby is in pain, though. Why, why, why? Why does our plate have to be so full of this crap and others have a seemingly easy life? Well in the words of Kimmie, we all have something and everyone's problems feel insurmountable to them. So I guess, in reality, my problems are not any worse than anyone else's. They are just different. So I guess He didn't give me more than I can handle because I am handling it. I am rolling with the punches. I guess I am one strong ass biotch. Yay me!
Well, for light and airy, what do I have? There simply has to be something funny to share. The reality is that most of the funny in my life comes from James and he prefers his business quiet. He can't be my child. LOL I can never really keep anything quiet. I just figured it out......I may not have funny, light and airy today but I am going to the state fair on Tuesday. All of you Wisconsinites know that this will be a wealth of funny. The people watching alone is going to be the best thing all year. I guess I found my happy, again. I may have ALMOST died but I didn't. I have lived on to people watch, love my friends and family and just simply enjoy life. There is a plan for me and until I figure it all out, I need to keep pressing forward. Forward is good, it means you are succeeding and accomplishing things. It means that I am succeeding and the bipolar is not winning. I am winning. Life is a journey and not a destination. I am not at my destination yet so I am going to enjoy this journey warts and all.
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