Perfect In My Flaws
Even when life seems to be going well, I sometimes get kicked back into reality. The reality, my reality that is, I am sick, very sick and I always will be. It interferes and it is a pain in the ass. I lost the ability to advance at something that I felt I was succeeding at because there is concern that my illness makes me unreliable. If I am honest, I think that the decision maker doesn't really find my illness to be a real thing. I so wish it wasn't a real thing. I wish that this damn bipolar wouldn't have made so many other systems in my body fail. Or begin to fail at the very least.
Twenty years ago such defeat would make me curl up in self-defeat. But my 41 year old self is not having any part of the self-defeat. I am not defeated, I am thriving. I am in college at a Big Ten University and I got there because of hard-work and perseverance. I am so proud of that fact. My kids are all thriving. I am so proud of that fact. My marriage is great and my husband is reaching his dream. I am so proud of that fact. Life is good whether others contribute to that or not. I cannot and will not allow others to define me. I am more than what he sees and I am proud of that fact, too.
Bipolar is rough and it sucks sometimes. It isn't all of me, though. In fact, it is just a small part of me because that is all I will allow it to be. I am a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a cousin, an aunt and a friend. I am funny, charming, and smart. If I am a part of your life, I will love you with all that I have to give. And maybe even more than that. I will be there to hold your hand and life you up when you need it even if you can never do the same for me. My love for my husband and kids is unconditional and never ending.
I guess at the end of the day. life is too short to fret over the fact that yet another person doesn't think that I am good enough. I am good enough because we are all good enough. I may not be perfect but I am perfect in my flaws. We all have something and mine just happens to be bipolar. Yours most likely is something else. You, too, are perfect in your flaws. Several months back (shortly after Robin Williams' suicide), I talked about having years of feeling that those around me needed to escape me. I am thankful that God didn't agree. Every person has value. So my value isn't apparent to one person this week, so what? Someone else will see my value and worth. In fact, many already do. I will share my worth with those who appreciate it. I deserve it.
Twenty years ago such defeat would make me curl up in self-defeat. But my 41 year old self is not having any part of the self-defeat. I am not defeated, I am thriving. I am in college at a Big Ten University and I got there because of hard-work and perseverance. I am so proud of that fact. My kids are all thriving. I am so proud of that fact. My marriage is great and my husband is reaching his dream. I am so proud of that fact. Life is good whether others contribute to that or not. I cannot and will not allow others to define me. I am more than what he sees and I am proud of that fact, too.
Bipolar is rough and it sucks sometimes. It isn't all of me, though. In fact, it is just a small part of me because that is all I will allow it to be. I am a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a cousin, an aunt and a friend. I am funny, charming, and smart. If I am a part of your life, I will love you with all that I have to give. And maybe even more than that. I will be there to hold your hand and life you up when you need it even if you can never do the same for me. My love for my husband and kids is unconditional and never ending.
I guess at the end of the day. life is too short to fret over the fact that yet another person doesn't think that I am good enough. I am good enough because we are all good enough. I may not be perfect but I am perfect in my flaws. We all have something and mine just happens to be bipolar. Yours most likely is something else. You, too, are perfect in your flaws. Several months back (shortly after Robin Williams' suicide), I talked about having years of feeling that those around me needed to escape me. I am thankful that God didn't agree. Every person has value. So my value isn't apparent to one person this week, so what? Someone else will see my value and worth. In fact, many already do. I will share my worth with those who appreciate it. I deserve it.
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