Still My Ethel

These thoughts are a little late but late is always better than never......

On November 4th, Dan and I celebrated 20 years of marriage.  Wow, 20 years is a damn long time and it is a milestone that I think a lot of people never thought we would reach.  Our life and marriage are pretty unconventional in that we take turns being the grown up in the marriage.  Maybe that is what work, at any given time at least one of us is remembering to keep the fun in our life.  Fun in a marriage is a key to success as is loving unconditionally and treating your spouse as one of your very best friends.  The success of marriage comes from the fact that I am smart enough to know that Dan is the best friend that I will ever have.  He will always have my back as I will have his.  We respect our similarities and our differences.  We love each other but more importantly we like each other.  Liking each other is key, in my opinion.

I am often asked how I got so "lucky" to have such a great marriage.  Well, I guess my honest answer is that I don't feel like my marriage is luck.  I do the work required to maintain a solid, healthy marriage.  That isn't luck.  It is however love, dedication, and respect for one another.  There is no secret recipe to a happy marriage other than being happy with yourself and reminding your spouse often that they make you happy.  The hard thing about marriage, and all close relationships, is that the more comfortable we become in them, the more rude and awful things that we feel comfortable saying to the other person.  We all say things to our spouse that we wouldn't say to a stranger.  I try, and often succeed, at treating Dan with kindness.  He is my best friend and I love him.

Last year when my sister got married, I gave a pretty drunken speech about the keys to a long-lasting marriage.  Due to my drunkenness (ugh, how embarrassing), I think my message my have gotten lost so I am going to share my six key pieces of unsolicited marriage advice.  :)

1- Never go to bed mad.  Ever.

2- Accept that some days your spouse will be an ass and you simply won't like them.

3- Figure out a way to like them again before you end your day. Always. (See rule 1)

4- Respect each other.  (By far the most important one.)

5- In the bad times, remember why you chose them.  Reflect of the best days of your life together.  (Envision your spouse proposing, your bride walking down the aisle in her wedding dress, etc.)

6- In the good times, be grateful and thank God.

Easy peasy, right?

For me, I will say that after 20 years of marriage, I know that Dan is and always be the Ethel to my Lucy.  He will always try to pull me out of my craziness.  He will be my partner in crime when the crazy just needs to come out.  He will always have my back.  He will always be my best friend.  He will always love me.  And none of these things can really be attributed to luck.  This marriage was and still is a choice.  I chose Dan and he chose me.  We still choose each other......every day.  We remember our silly 20 year old selves and we respect the people that we have evolved into over time.  We keep some romance alive and we love and like each other.  There isn't much more to it than it, love and like each other, the rest will fall into place.