Six Small Words

Six small words that are nearly impossible for many to learn.  I have learned over time to not let the bipolar define me but rather be a small part of the many things that define me.  Learning this was a turning point in my life.  I think that realizing this was almost as important as the medicines that I take to keep the chemicals in my brain balanced.

The thing is, bipolar can be such an ugly disease that rips away a lot of who you are underneath it all.  Bipolar makes you behave selfishly, bipolar makes you act impulsively, bipolar makes you behave rudely,  But what we all need to remember that bipolar doesn't make you selfish, impulsive, and rude.  I know that people have a hard time separating an action from who a person is in general.  I get that because I feel great shame for a lot of my behaviors over the years.  I have figured out, in time, that I have to forgive myself for the bad behavior bipolar creates within me.  I wish that I could convince more people that my behavior isn't intentional and probably hurts me more than it does the person I occasionally treat badly.  I have had to forgive myself over and over while this person has to forgive me once or not at all because we will never see each other again.

I think that is how I learned those six small words, as a means to survive life,  If I wasn't strong, I would be dead, plain and simple.  Bipolar kills and we need to remember this. The shame that this disease causes eats away at your self worth.  It took me years to know that I had value.  To survive bipolar you need more than medicines, you truly need to find a way to find your own worth,  I think that the most important thing that I needed to learn was to love myself.  I had to learn how to forgive myself.  I needed to learn that I was more than the bipolar disorder,  I needed to just learn who I was and that I am strong person.

I don't know how I was able to find my worth and others never can and can't control the illness,  I don't know why bipolar continues to take so many lives because too many can't learn these six small words.  So to all of you out there I say this.......you are stronger then your illness, your demons, or anything that stands in the way of your true happiness and health.  Some days loving yourself is the hardest thing you will have to do but try to anyway.  Some days you will succeed and others your may not but remember you, as well as, your life is a work in progress.  As I tell myself these six small words daily, I feel hopeful that I will continue to love myself that others can love me, too.  Because, like all of you, I am a work in progress and I hope tomorrow shines brighter than today.  The bipolar will never be gone and it will be something that I fight to survive for the rest of my days but that's okay because I am stronger than my disorder and I love myself, finally, warts and all.