The Rockstar

Yesterday Ella got her tonsils taken out.  The surgery went very smoothly and for that I am grateful.  She has been a rockstar patient because she is by far the strongest 11 year old that I know, emotionally and physically.  She has complained very little and  only really speaks of pain when it is time for a dose of medicine.  Additionally, she is eating anything that she can get her hands on (that is safe for the healing) and the nurses were literally shocked when they called to check on her today.

So when I think about the surgery and her strength throughtout, it brings me back to the gifts that bipolar have given us.  As I have often said, bipolar is a blessing and a curse.  In this instance, it is a blessing because my daughter has learned how to power through pain with grace and dignity. (I guess I sometimes lack grace, but I always have dignity.)  I never make the bipolar a point of shame because it itsn't and I ask for the help when I need it, even when it maybe hard to get it.  Ella asked for help when she needed it but leaned on her own strength most of the time.

I guess another sad reality of the bipolar is that I have not always been able to be the best and most attentive parent so she has learned a lot of problem solving and strength beyond her years.  If I chose to dwell on every single one of my shortcomings, which I do not, this could be a negative but I chose to see it as a positive.  She has learned things from me out of necessity and being self-sufficient will definately serve her well as she is older.

My daughter has known no life but one with a mother in and out of a hospital so she was never scared during the surgery process.  So again, awful health is a gift in this instance.  I often wonder why, why, why has everything that has happened to me happened and maybe it is to give my kids these gifts.  I have said before that they are all extremely empathetic, sympathetic, kind and caring and they don't judge because they see so many things that could easily be judged in me but they love me nonetheless. I said the otherday that life was handing me lemons but I am not ready to make the lemonade quite yet but today I think I am ready.  Maybe it just took seeing my child handle something that could be awful with grace, dignity and class to make realize that maybe I have fewer lemons than I thought.  I have amazing childrem, a loving husband, friends and family who love me everyday.  Yes, my health is failing but the reality is we are all dying, some just a little faster than others.  So if I am one of those that maybe going faster, I need to ignore the lemons and enjoy the ride.  Life is gift and I would never cry sad tears about any other gift given to me.  So I am going to take this gift of life and enjoy every moment of it.  As for my rockstar daughter, we can all learn from her, that when you are scared or nervous, jump in feet first and conquer your fear.  So Ella, I am jumping in and I will be just fine.