Peace out 2013...................
December 31st on the year that I thought was going to be the big year that changed my life.......and you know what? It did, some for the better and some for the worse but my life has changed A LOT since January 1, 2013.
Where to begin?? That I don't even know, quite honestly. I guess I will begin with the best change of the year. Dan and I did it. We went back to school and we are on the Dean's list. I am very proud of us, this was a long time coming and something that we needed to do for ourselves and our kids. Dan is studying Golf Enterprise Management and I am studying Criminal Justice. We also got new jobs and are succeeding at that. In three years when Dan graduates (and Jamie graduates) we are taking Ella and moving to a warmer climate.
On to the rougher things that have happened....................
Well Christeen and I are in a battle for our lives.......literally. You would think that there was some sort of trophy for who could be sick more often and most ill and we are battling to the literal death for it. We cannot both be well at the same time. Through all of this, I think God has some plan because I feel bonded to her in a way that I have never felt to someone that I wasn't related to before. Like a kindred spirit. God is keeping us well to pull the other through. P.S. God, sir, if that is what you are doing, please stop, we would enjoy health for awhile.
I buried a friend's daughter, a girl full of potential and so much left to offer this world. My heart aches daily for her family. I pray that they find peace because I haven't found it yet. This one, I just can't make sense of.
On September 6th, I developed three blood clots, one in my leg and two in my lungs. This day changed my life forever. It has changed me as a person. I think that I am less likely to drop anything for people like I used to. This was a quality that I liked about myself so this saddens me but the reality is, my time is more precious now and I can't deal with nonsense. The doctors are treating this as a cronic deadly illness and my bipolar mind can't hear those words all together and come out okay. I am not okay. I don't think I will ever be completely okay again. I am more jumpy, more sensitive and simply more bipolar. The last I think will simmer down again soon but I spend so much time being scared that I can't focus on anything normal. My new normal involves twice daily injections of a medication to keep my blood thin and a trip to the doctor for any little bump because I could be bleeding. I think my fear of bleeding to death or developing another clot are in a tie for what scares me most. My husband can attest, I am nutso.
I lost a friendship in December. One of the most important ones of my whole life. A big chunk of my heart belonged, hell, still belongs to her. Louisa was like a sister to me and the worst part is that feeling that way, I felt a safeness that wasn't there. My sisters, Natalie and Kim, always forgive me if I am truly sorry even it sometimes takes a couple days. So I guess Louisa was like a sister to me but she didn't feel the same. I grapple with two things and wonder which part is the hardest....1) that the friendship of someone that I loved and trusted as Godmother to my daughter could walk away so easily as if I meant nothing or 2) that maybe I was a bit naive to think she loved me like family. Family forgives. Maybe they don't forget, but they always forgive. I guess there is a third thing I grapple with and that is wondering if it was dumb of me to forgive her when she did things that could have ruined big days in my life or even just little ones because I was just some person that passed through her life, not someone special, just a person passing through.
Lastly for 2013, Dan won his fantasy football league. I couldn't be more proud that he spends even more time on my favorite sport, lol.
So now on to the fun part......the New Years Resolutions.........
I will continue to lose weight (I lost 23 lbs in 2013) with a goal of 50 lbs more for 2014.
I will run a 5k by the end of September. Jogging counts, walking does not (I walked several charity 5ks before my knee surgery)
I will stay on the Dean's list
I will still work at McDonalds at this time next year
I will go to the ER so infrequent that the nurses will not recognize me (yes they do now, lol)
I will send my son to a university or college of his choosing, I say choosing because I hope he has enough acceptances to have choices.
I will value and nuture the friendships of those who have show that our friendship is valuable to them, too.
What are your New Year's resolutions, please share them as a comment on my Facebook post and we can support each other.
Happy New Year!!!!!
Where to begin?? That I don't even know, quite honestly. I guess I will begin with the best change of the year. Dan and I did it. We went back to school and we are on the Dean's list. I am very proud of us, this was a long time coming and something that we needed to do for ourselves and our kids. Dan is studying Golf Enterprise Management and I am studying Criminal Justice. We also got new jobs and are succeeding at that. In three years when Dan graduates (and Jamie graduates) we are taking Ella and moving to a warmer climate.
On to the rougher things that have happened....................
Well Christeen and I are in a battle for our lives.......literally. You would think that there was some sort of trophy for who could be sick more often and most ill and we are battling to the literal death for it. We cannot both be well at the same time. Through all of this, I think God has some plan because I feel bonded to her in a way that I have never felt to someone that I wasn't related to before. Like a kindred spirit. God is keeping us well to pull the other through. P.S. God, sir, if that is what you are doing, please stop, we would enjoy health for awhile.
I buried a friend's daughter, a girl full of potential and so much left to offer this world. My heart aches daily for her family. I pray that they find peace because I haven't found it yet. This one, I just can't make sense of.
On September 6th, I developed three blood clots, one in my leg and two in my lungs. This day changed my life forever. It has changed me as a person. I think that I am less likely to drop anything for people like I used to. This was a quality that I liked about myself so this saddens me but the reality is, my time is more precious now and I can't deal with nonsense. The doctors are treating this as a cronic deadly illness and my bipolar mind can't hear those words all together and come out okay. I am not okay. I don't think I will ever be completely okay again. I am more jumpy, more sensitive and simply more bipolar. The last I think will simmer down again soon but I spend so much time being scared that I can't focus on anything normal. My new normal involves twice daily injections of a medication to keep my blood thin and a trip to the doctor for any little bump because I could be bleeding. I think my fear of bleeding to death or developing another clot are in a tie for what scares me most. My husband can attest, I am nutso.
I lost a friendship in December. One of the most important ones of my whole life. A big chunk of my heart belonged, hell, still belongs to her. Louisa was like a sister to me and the worst part is that feeling that way, I felt a safeness that wasn't there. My sisters, Natalie and Kim, always forgive me if I am truly sorry even it sometimes takes a couple days. So I guess Louisa was like a sister to me but she didn't feel the same. I grapple with two things and wonder which part is the hardest....1) that the friendship of someone that I loved and trusted as Godmother to my daughter could walk away so easily as if I meant nothing or 2) that maybe I was a bit naive to think she loved me like family. Family forgives. Maybe they don't forget, but they always forgive. I guess there is a third thing I grapple with and that is wondering if it was dumb of me to forgive her when she did things that could have ruined big days in my life or even just little ones because I was just some person that passed through her life, not someone special, just a person passing through.
Lastly for 2013, Dan won his fantasy football league. I couldn't be more proud that he spends even more time on my favorite sport, lol.
So now on to the fun part......the New Years Resolutions.........
I will continue to lose weight (I lost 23 lbs in 2013) with a goal of 50 lbs more for 2014.
I will run a 5k by the end of September. Jogging counts, walking does not (I walked several charity 5ks before my knee surgery)
I will stay on the Dean's list
I will still work at McDonalds at this time next year
I will go to the ER so infrequent that the nurses will not recognize me (yes they do now, lol)
I will send my son to a university or college of his choosing, I say choosing because I hope he has enough acceptances to have choices.
I will value and nuture the friendships of those who have show that our friendship is valuable to them, too.
What are your New Year's resolutions, please share them as a comment on my Facebook post and we can support each other.
Happy New Year!!!!!
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