A life changing day
April 24th is always a weird day for me, a life changing day. Yes, I know today is the 23rd but I just may not be able to get my thoughts out clearly tomorrow, I am mental, after all. :)
Forteen years ago tomorrow ago one of my best friends got married on a beautiful day. In a beautiful wedding. She chose slutty bridesmaid dresses which is kind of funny because she, BY FAR, my most conservative friend. But I digress, beautiful wedding, beautiful bride, beautiful day, beautiful love story. A love story that is going strong to this day. Every April 24th, is the anniversary of one of my very best friend's wedding and for that reason it is supposed to be a great day.
Seven years later, to the day, the same couple gave birth to a beautiful but sick little boy. A little boy who struggled for 11 weeks and then passed away. Seven years later, I remember ever detail of where I was and every word said to me about his passing, not to make this about me but to relay that if it is so vivid for me, how is not for my friend. I always hear that time heals wounds but I think that is just a lie. My heart hurts for my friends on April 24th (and again in July, well I guess honestly most days).
We as a society often spend good parts of our lives wondering, "Why me?" and throwing massive pity parties but the reality if we look around, there is always someone who needs our helping hand. Look around and ask, "Why him?" or "Why her?", not because their struggle is particularly worse than yours but because every day there is someone who has too much pain to bare. That day may be their April 24th and your hand reaching out to them my be life changing. If you ask me, the loss of a child is, by far, the worse that can happen to a person and this friend sees my struggle with mental illness as worse than her struggles (on most days). But, who am I to judge anyone's pain or life or situation. My role in life is to be a friend. a sister, a wife, a mother, a daughter and to reach my hand out and pull you out of the mess and the mud if you need it. Maybe even brush you off. Give you a glass (or bottle) of wine if that helps. too. Hug you, support you, listen to you, love you and keep my mouth shut. Maybe even find away to celebrate your anniversary on a day that is difficult for you to celebrate.
Every April 24th, I try to do all of these things, and sometimes it is wanted and sometimes it is not. Either way it is okay. I think she knows that she is loved by me regardless of what she chooses to do or say. I haven't walked in her shoes so I know nothing of what she feels so I just try to quietly listen and keep her upright. Every April 24th, I draw a little more strength from her because she is by far the most graceful and strong person I know and I so proud to call her my friend. I am even more proud she calls me her friend.
Happy Birthday baby boy and Happy Anniversary my friends, much love to you all. <3
Forteen years ago tomorrow ago one of my best friends got married on a beautiful day. In a beautiful wedding. She chose slutty bridesmaid dresses which is kind of funny because she, BY FAR, my most conservative friend. But I digress, beautiful wedding, beautiful bride, beautiful day, beautiful love story. A love story that is going strong to this day. Every April 24th, is the anniversary of one of my very best friend's wedding and for that reason it is supposed to be a great day.
Seven years later, to the day, the same couple gave birth to a beautiful but sick little boy. A little boy who struggled for 11 weeks and then passed away. Seven years later, I remember ever detail of where I was and every word said to me about his passing, not to make this about me but to relay that if it is so vivid for me, how is not for my friend. I always hear that time heals wounds but I think that is just a lie. My heart hurts for my friends on April 24th (and again in July, well I guess honestly most days).
We as a society often spend good parts of our lives wondering, "Why me?" and throwing massive pity parties but the reality if we look around, there is always someone who needs our helping hand. Look around and ask, "Why him?" or "Why her?", not because their struggle is particularly worse than yours but because every day there is someone who has too much pain to bare. That day may be their April 24th and your hand reaching out to them my be life changing. If you ask me, the loss of a child is, by far, the worse that can happen to a person and this friend sees my struggle with mental illness as worse than her struggles (on most days). But, who am I to judge anyone's pain or life or situation. My role in life is to be a friend. a sister, a wife, a mother, a daughter and to reach my hand out and pull you out of the mess and the mud if you need it. Maybe even brush you off. Give you a glass (or bottle) of wine if that helps. too. Hug you, support you, listen to you, love you and keep my mouth shut. Maybe even find away to celebrate your anniversary on a day that is difficult for you to celebrate.
Every April 24th, I try to do all of these things, and sometimes it is wanted and sometimes it is not. Either way it is okay. I think she knows that she is loved by me regardless of what she chooses to do or say. I haven't walked in her shoes so I know nothing of what she feels so I just try to quietly listen and keep her upright. Every April 24th, I draw a little more strength from her because she is by far the most graceful and strong person I know and I so proud to call her my friend. I am even more proud she calls me her friend.
Happy Birthday baby boy and Happy Anniversary my friends, much love to you all. <3
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