Going Down Fighting
I haven't written in several weeks because these last few weeks have been especially hard and I tend to get closed off when things don't go my way. I have a very hard time admitting out loud when I am failing. I like to think of myself as strong, confident and indestructible but the reality is that I am probably none of these things. I want so badly to be perfect and to achieve perfection that I will probably kill myself trying. The saddest part is that I don't expect perfection from anyone but myself. I am the first to defend someone when they behave badly, fail or simply stumble yet I NEVER allow myself this courtesy. Part of me knows that this is because if I allow myself to see my million faults then I will know with absolute certainty that everyone else can easily see these faults, too. I don't want faults, I want perfection. Simple, unattainable perfection. The last month has been hard because I am struggling with school. It is just so much harder than