My Bipolar Life

On this day, several years back, my cousin passed away.  I don't generally talk about him much because quite honestly, we weren't that close and I never wanted to interfere with my feelings when others are grieving.  I just wanted to be there, support them, and love them.  That was and still is my role.  But on this anniversary for some reason, I feel truly compelled to share my memories of him.  Even with living many miles apart, I have strong vivid memories. Sean was my older cousin but not by too many years, we are two of 15 grand kids so the age range is huge.  As a young girl (maybe preteen)  I just remember Sean as someone who would entertain me at boring family functions.  He was funny and loving even when all I probably was to him was younger and annoying.  He included me, made me feel welcome and loved.  I only saw my cousins about once a year because I lived far away.  Most of the family lived close together so it was easy to think I would feel like an outsider but

The whole ice bucket challenge has me thinking.  It is supposed to raise money and build awareness and I truly think it is not doing the latter.  I don't think that people know anymore than they did a few months ago, myself included. If I am being completely honest, I know almost nothing about ALS.  Well, except that is is often called Lou Gehrig's Disease.  While I think the money raised cannot be taken lightly, I think that it has somehow warped into a game.  A game that hasn't taught me anything about ALS but has shown me A LOT of bikinied women and topless men. Following is a list of things I did not know..... 1-ALS is short for amyotrophic lateral sclerosis  2-It is a progressive neurogenerative disease 3-It affects the nerves in spinal cord and brain 4-In later stages, patients may become totally paralyzed 5-Symptoms include muscle weakness, twitching and difficulty breathing as the disease advances While I am a huge fan of advocacy, I am wo

It is has been a little over a week since Robin Williams passed away and a lot has been said about it, by many.  I don't really know where to begin in my opinion of what I think or feel about his suicide.  I am torn because I value life so it breaks my heart that he had no strength left to fight his demons but who the hell am I to judge another.  I am not God, I am not a judge nor am I a juror.  I am just a person who lives with my own demons that I certainly hope aren't judged by the whole world someday. I think by talking about my true feelings about his suicide, I am opening myself up to hatred and judgment.  That will have to be okay because your hatred and judgment will be your cross not mine.  I have made peace with my past and my demons and I guess the reality is, I don't care if you can't make peace with my past or my demons.  You have your own past and demons to make peace with.  That's the beauty of life, we are all different yet we are equal in our flaw

I am trying with every ounce of my being to write this light and airy post.  One that is funny and makes everyone laugh and remember my old, fun self.  Where has this girl gone?  The reality is that I am happy.  I have a great life because I am loved.  At the end of the day, all we really need is for someone or several someones to love us deeply and unconditionally and I have that.  I actually have a lot of that.  With all that being said, my life is still extraordinarily hard.  Some days, it just plain sucks.  I am sick and so many people think that I am a hypochondriac.  That shouldn't matter but unfortunately, it does.  In the past year alone, I had a very near death experience and I was also clinically dead for about 2 1/2 minutes.  I often have pain but I still smile at everyone I see.  Is it my (mostly) positive attitude that makes people think it is fake?  I guess the whys don't matter, it hurts nonetheless. One thing that has always made me positive in my thinking abo