My Bipolar Life

These thoughts are a little late but late is always better than never...... On November 4th, Dan and I celebrated 20 years of marriage.  Wow, 20 years is a damn long time and it is a milestone that I think a lot of people never thought we would reach.  Our life and marriage are pretty unconventional in that we take turns being the grown up in the marriage.  Maybe that is what work, at any given time at least one of us is remembering to keep the fun in our life.  Fun in a marriage is a key to success as is loving unconditionally and treating your spouse as one of your very best friends.  The success of marriage comes from the fact that I am smart enough to know that Dan is the best friend that I will ever have.  He will always have my back as I will have his.  We respect our similarities and our differences.  We love each other but more importantly we like each other.  Liking each other is key, in my opinion. I am often asked how I got so "lucky" to have such a great marr

One very big thing about bipolar or at least for me is that I did and said some awful things for quite awhile before my diagnosis.  With time, counseling, and a little love for myself, I was able to forgive myself for the many transgressions that I had committed. If I am being honest, there were too many to forgive but my heart still breaks that some of my loved ones aren't able to forgive and try to know me for who I am now.  Am I perfect?  No, not so much.  Am I different than I was before medication and the work towards a better me?  Yes, a lot different.  I am a good person, a kind person, a fun person, a funny person.  And too many people who should truly love me just don't know this.  Things like, "It's not my fault that I don't like her" have been said about me.  That hurts immensely and makes me tear up just sitting here thinking about it.  I want to be loved for who I am now, not disliked for my past mistakes. Part of me thinks that I should walk aw

Even when life seems to be going well, I sometimes get kicked back into reality.  The reality, my reality that is, I am sick, very sick and I always will be.  It interferes and it is a pain in the ass.  I lost the ability to advance at something that I felt I was succeeding at because there is concern that my illness makes me unreliable.  If I am honest, I think that the decision maker doesn't really find my illness to be a real thing.  I so wish it wasn't a real thing.  I wish that this damn bipolar wouldn't have made so many other systems in my body fail.  Or begin to fail at the very least. Twenty years ago such defeat would make me curl up in self-defeat.  But my 41 year old self is not having any part of the self-defeat.  I am not defeated, I am thriving.  I am in college at a Big Ten University and I got there because of hard-work and perseverance.  I am so proud of that fact.  My kids are all thriving.  I am so proud of that fact.  My marriage is great and my husba