Thirteen Things It Took Me Forty-four Years To Learn

Some things I've learned in my 44  years...

1-It's okay to fail as long as you learn something from it.

We all stumble at times, we fail, we all doubt ourselves. The true failure comes from not learning from these mistakes and trying it differently next time.

2-It is okay to be wrong, and it's even better to admit it when you are.

Anyone who knows me closely knows this is still a very hard one for me. Even when I am wrong I can pretty easily manipulate a conversation to convince the other they're wrong so they ultimately concede. I really thought this made me clever and obviously right but it was honestly just evil. Own your mistakes and move on because it earns you respect.

3-You are responsible for the actions of no one but yourself so stop apologizing for other's actions.

Have I ever apologized for my husband's, one of my parent's, or one of my children's actions? Absolutely, I have and I am 100%, without a doubt, certain that more people than that have apologized for mine. The thing is, continually apologizing for things you didn't do or can't control somehow play tricks on your mind and you start to feel unnecessary guilt.

4-You don't always have to treat others as they treat you, you are definitely allowed to treat them better.

When someone says something that maybe shouldn't be said take a second and remember that you may not know what they went through that day. Maybe all they need is a kind word or a smile when you really would just like to breath the venom back. Sometimes the view on the high road is beautiful and peaceful.

5-It is okay to say no.

You are absolutely allowed to put yourself first. Keep yourself mentally well, have boundaries. Know what you believe in so that you know when to say no.

With that being said...

6-Be the best friend your able to be everyday and put others first, when possible.

While I wholeheartedly feel that it's okay to put yourself first, a person who always puts themselves first may not have many people who really want to be in their life long-term. To put yourself first and stand your ground is one thing and to be a selfish asshole is another.

7-Know your worth because it's high.

Never compromise your values or your core beliefs, ever. These are true non-negotiables. A friend will never ask you to do something that truly makes you uncomfortable. Yes, a friend pushes your boundaries so you grow as a person but they wouldn't want you to have regrets.

8-Set your goals high because mediocrity is in essence a failure.

This is something that I'm still working on because my education isn't quite where I'd like it to be. But I made goals about my family life at a fairly young age and I've achieved them for the most part. I've put in the work and it has paid off.

9-It is okay to get angry but it is never okay to berate someone.

Throwing low blows during an argument can cause lasting damage. Words are often much more powerful than actions especially when they are negative words. We tend to prey on someone's insecurities when we are angry because this is how we can gain control. Don't do it, it leaves long lasting scars.

10-Apologize when you're wrong and sincerely mean it.

It took me so long to figure out that every disagreement didn't have to be a battle and that I didn't have to win. And it took me even longer to apologize when I learned to admit that I was wrong. The thank you that you receive after a sincere apology almost, emphasis on almost, makes apologizing worth it.

11-Everyone has some skeletons in their closet. Some are just better at hiding it than others.

There is not one single person on the earth that does not have something that they would be ashamed if others knew. Just because you don't know what it is doesn't mean that their life is so much better, it means they haven't let anyone into that part of their life. Just like you've kept parts of your life private. Run your own race and fight your own battles.

12-Remember that our children learn more from our actions than we realize. Do as little damage, as possible.

Your children are sponges and absorb more than you realize. I was in high school before I realized that some parents liked to spend time together because mine really didn't. That's when I realized that I could have a husband who made me laugh like boyfriends did. I really thought that by that point in marriage no one wanted to spent time with their spouse. Did my parents think they were hurting me? Of course not, they did their best just as I do my best. I've done damage to my children, we all do, just try and minimize it. I learned from others parents what type of marriage I wanted and from my parents what I didn't want.

This leads me to my last one...

13-Teach your children these things firsthand.

I never once saw my parents fight, that I remember. I also have very little recollection of them actually speaking to each other, either. I saw friend's parents argue, apologize, and make up. These parents are still married and mine are not. It's okay to argue, it's okay to be angry, and it's okay to do it in front of your children as long as they see the apology and forgiveness, too. Kids learn effective communication by seeing communication that is effective. Parenting is hard but raising productive members of society is the best feeling. Remember your children learn how to be men and women from the type of men and women we are. If we, as women, allow a man to treat us badly then our daughter things that's okay and our son thinks that's how to treat women. If you, as men, allow a women to treat you badly, you are sending the same message to your sons and daughters. If you are the one treating someone badly, you are teaching your child more of the same. You are their first teacher, it is your most important job, cherish it as the gift it is.