Their Loss Is Our Gain

I am sad, the kind of sad that makes you feel broken. The good news is that I'm not going to let this sadness break me, I'm just going to be sad for a few minutes longer, write about it, and then begin to turn the corner.

As anyone who knows me (or has been reading my blog for a bit) knows, I was on SSDI for just over 10 years and I've spent about the past five years trying to regain my independence through gainful employment because SSDI was never my end game. Unfortunately, I was too ill at that time to parent my children and be employed so I chose my children. These past five years haven't been perfect and there was one person in particular who very much liked to push all of my bipolar buttons. I don't so much want to elaborate on that because even two years later it makes me feel really badly about myself and about her. That someone could be so mean spirited that she needed to hurt me in such a manner. Anyway, I requested a transfer and only said that she didn't do her job. I had other things that I could have brought up that would have gotten her fired but that wasn't important to me. The fact that I needed to take Ativan everyday again when I hadn't for at least two years and I cried when I got to work if I saw her car made me realize that I needed to move on.

After the transfer I thrived in my job, or so I thought. I got promoted more than once and I was working towards management. I felt glad that I made the choice to take the transfer because it was a good team and I was truly moving past the bipolar. In fact, just last week I was talking to my general manager about getting promoted to management. She said the biggest problem is that there are no positions in our district but there was at least one in the adjacent district. She then said if a transfer over was something I'd be interested in or open to then I should email her boss. I said that I would be and I'd email her boss. I emailed her boss and he never responded. She said that was probably because I burned too many bridges at my previous location. What?!?!  Why exactly would you train me for TWO years for a promotion if something I did before any of that advancement began was going to prevent that advancement??? That's completely illogical.

I guess the moral of this story is...it is perfectly okay to harass a person because they have a mental illness and then you can punish them because they ask to be removed from the situation. I guess it was not okay of me to protect myself. But guess what...it was. Guess what...they were wrong. She was wrong!! It should not take Ativan to handle interaction with one supervisor and not with any other or any peers. It just should not. I will no longer feel badly that she treated me badly. I now know my worth and I will not settle for less.

The best news that came from all of this is that my part-time job offered me a position with more responsibility and told me that "their loss is our gain" they also told me that they feel very lucky to have me on they team. They don't realize how much they're helping me right now but when I feel broken having them telling me I'm great is everything.