Mary Poppins

There are some things in life that may be a turning point for every person and mine may just be The Mayo Clinic and I have not even gone there, yet.  It is the anticipation that may kill me, that has me unsettled and just plain out of sorts.  I am also deep into a migraine.  I don't even know why but I kept trying to changing everything about the trip.  For example, I went on hotels.com and picked a hotel called The Guesthouse Suites several days ago, later that same day, my mom called and said that she found the perfect place and it is called The Guesthouse Suites.  After spending six hours trying to talk my way out of MY first choice hotel today with my mom, she finally asked why?  And I said I didn't know.  The closest I can come up with is that I am scared and planning and finalizing makes things more real.  OR and this is a big OR that fact that my and I picked the same hotel scares me shitless because that never happens. We are usually apples and oranges or Omni and Super 8's. But we both picked the exact same one because it met the standards of what we both thought would be good for an extended stay with lots of medical testing involved.  It even has a recliner to sit in and watch TV.  My mom has not always been exactly the Mary Poppins type but every day that I travel through this journey, she get more sugar on her spoon.  She is literally dropping everything to take me to the Mayo Clinic because that is who she is becoming and who she wants to be.  She wants to have a spoonful of sugar to help all of this nonsense go down.  I often wonder why God has chosen me to have so many challenges, and I won't know entirely why until I get to heaven but maybe it was so I could fill my mom's spoon with sugar and get her to slow down and smell the roses.  Because just as grateful as I am for my life, my mom is equally as grateful and uses that gratitude by helping me extensively.  She stays overnight with me in the hospital, she wakes up to talk to doctors, she know exact test results, she is completely involved now.  Now, don't get me wrong, I didn't really want 5 blood clots, but if that was the sacrifice I made to have this relationship with my mother, I would do it again and again.  So just as the bipolar has its gifts, so does the poor physical health. It has damn near turned my mom into Mary Poppin when it comes to me, in the relationship between her and me, she has a nearly full spoon of sugar.