Two hundred twelve hours.............................
Two hundred twelve hours from now I will be sitting in my consultation appointment at The Mayo Clinic. The fact that I have it broken down to hours, cannot be healthy but I think that is okay because most of how I am handling myself in preparation for this trip is a little unhealthy. But, hey, that is why I am going right, because I am not healthy so I am may as well stay consistent. LOL
I will be honest, I am scared................REALLY SCARED. I have broken it down into a couple of categories of what I am scared of so that I can conquer each one and be normal(ish) for the next week.
First- and the biggest, is the unknown. I like to be in control and I am losing most control when going to The Mayo Clinic. While, I will still have rights and can refuse testing, how stupid would it be to travel that far and refuse all their recommendations. It could be a very easy, non-invasive experience or it could be just test after test after test. Ugh, I may not need The Mayo Clinic, the unknowing is going to give me a heart attack.
Second- is that they may just say that the Milwaukee doctors are dead on.
What if they say at Mayo, "We are sorry, but what they have you looking at for a care plan is pretty accurate and we can't do better." I guess I would call this the fear that it can't get any better. Everyone keeps saying, just think, it can't get any worse. (Although, in fairness, they could find more,) But focusing on the positive and that it can't get worse doesn't exactly mean I think it staying the same is a positive result of the trip. That, too, is a fail.
Third- what if my primary doctor at The Mayo is jerky or condescending in someway. There are two things that would make me never go back to a doctor again who is in private practice here in Milwaukee and they are if they asked one of these two questions, "How is Lisa?" This one implies that a third party should answer for me and if I am the only the one in the room, I still don't feel it is my place to answer or "How are we today?" To this I would like to answer I feel concerned about x, y, and z, my mom is a little tired and you just looked distracted. I think it puts too much pressure on me to have to answer for the whole room. I feel like the doctor's appointment should be focused solely on me, silly me. But I digress, what if my primary doctor is one of these, he or she will annoy me to high heaven and back, it may interfere with my ability to focus, literally.
Fourth- is how different my mom has been. She has always been introverted when bad news came our way and I don't know if she is going to be hand-holdy and huggy now or still I need her space. I know I can just ask her, but quite honestly, I don't want to ask for anything more from her. She has literally dropped her whole life to put mine first and that is all I will ask for. I guess this one will just be a surprise, maybe for both of us when they start reading the test results. :)
Lastly, I have had several people ask if I need anything besides cards and letters send to me and my answer is socks (shoe size 7), if you knit, this would be awesome, and candies.
The address again is
Lisa Pokrzywa and Ruth Zadel
c/o Guest House Inn and Suites Rochester
435 16th Ave NW
Rochester, MN 55901
I will be honest, I am scared................REALLY SCARED. I have broken it down into a couple of categories of what I am scared of so that I can conquer each one and be normal(ish) for the next week.
First- and the biggest, is the unknown. I like to be in control and I am losing most control when going to The Mayo Clinic. While, I will still have rights and can refuse testing, how stupid would it be to travel that far and refuse all their recommendations. It could be a very easy, non-invasive experience or it could be just test after test after test. Ugh, I may not need The Mayo Clinic, the unknowing is going to give me a heart attack.
Second- is that they may just say that the Milwaukee doctors are dead on.
What if they say at Mayo, "We are sorry, but what they have you looking at for a care plan is pretty accurate and we can't do better." I guess I would call this the fear that it can't get any better. Everyone keeps saying, just think, it can't get any worse. (Although, in fairness, they could find more,) But focusing on the positive and that it can't get worse doesn't exactly mean I think it staying the same is a positive result of the trip. That, too, is a fail.
Third- what if my primary doctor at The Mayo is jerky or condescending in someway. There are two things that would make me never go back to a doctor again who is in private practice here in Milwaukee and they are if they asked one of these two questions, "How is Lisa?" This one implies that a third party should answer for me and if I am the only the one in the room, I still don't feel it is my place to answer or "How are we today?" To this I would like to answer I feel concerned about x, y, and z, my mom is a little tired and you just looked distracted. I think it puts too much pressure on me to have to answer for the whole room. I feel like the doctor's appointment should be focused solely on me, silly me. But I digress, what if my primary doctor is one of these, he or she will annoy me to high heaven and back, it may interfere with my ability to focus, literally.
Fourth- is how different my mom has been. She has always been introverted when bad news came our way and I don't know if she is going to be hand-holdy and huggy now or still I need her space. I know I can just ask her, but quite honestly, I don't want to ask for anything more from her. She has literally dropped her whole life to put mine first and that is all I will ask for. I guess this one will just be a surprise, maybe for both of us when they start reading the test results. :)
Lastly, I have had several people ask if I need anything besides cards and letters send to me and my answer is socks (shoe size 7), if you knit, this would be awesome, and candies.
The address again is
Lisa Pokrzywa and Ruth Zadel
c/o Guest House Inn and Suites Rochester
435 16th Ave NW
Rochester, MN 55901
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